Couples massage etiquette in Amsterdam is not a code of manners handed down by anybody. It is simply the set of small answers that keep the two of you from improvising under mild pressure: where to stand when the door opens, whether to pay first, what to wear, whether it is rude to talk, and what happens if one of you wants something changed halfway through. None of it is difficult. All of it is easier to read now, on a sofa, than to work out at ten o'clock with four people in a hotel room. What follows runs in the order the evening does.
Couples massage etiquette in Amsterdam begins before anyone knocks
The first courtesy is a shower. Not a ceremony, just a normal wash close to the start time, which is expected in both directions and which the therapists will also have done before they set out. Brush your teeth if dinner involved garlic. Take off rings, watches and bracelets, because oil and jewellery are a poor combination and because a ring caught in a towel is nobody's idea of a graceful moment.
Tidy enough that the room does not need explaining. Suitcases off the floor, clothes off the chair, the bed made if you have been lying on it. The therapists are not inspecting the housekeeping; they simply need somewhere to put a bag and a clear stretch of floor to work on. Turn the heating up a little, since a room that feels fine to two clothed people feels cool to somebody lying still under a towel.
Eat early rather than late. A full stomach and an hour face down do not agree, and most couples find that finishing dinner ninety minutes before the start is about right. Drink if you want to, within reason. One or two glasses is ordinary and nobody will comment. Considerably more than that and the evening tends to go flat, because the part of a massage worth having is the part you can still feel.
Last, put the phones somewhere other than the bedside table, face down or switched to silent. A vibrating phone eight inches from your head is the single most effective way to undo forty minutes of work.
The first two minutes at the door
Two people arrive together. Open the door, say hello, and let them in properly rather than conducting a conversation on the threshold, which is the most common small awkwardness we hear about. A handshake, a hug or neither is fine, and you can take your cue from them. Use names. Both of you introduce yourselves, even if only one of you did the booking, because the therapist who does not know which of you is which will otherwise spend the first ten minutes guessing.
Offer them somewhere to put a coat and a bag, and offer water. That is the whole of the hospitality required. There is no need to produce a drink, a plate of anything, or small talk about the weather in your country of origin. Show them the room, the bathroom, and say where the light switches are. If there is anything odd about the flat, a door that sticks, a neighbour who knocks, a cat behind the bedroom door, say it now.
This is also the moment for the short practical conversation: how long the booking is, which of you is having what, and anything either of you would rather avoid. Sixty seconds is enough. The booking page sets out what has already been agreed in the thread, so nothing here should come as a surprise to anybody.
Money, and the moment it changes hands
Payment happens near the start, once everyone is inside and the coats are off, not at the end and not in the doorway. This is the normal rhythm and it is considerate to get it over with early, because nobody enjoys the version where a wallet appears just as the room has gone quiet. Have the amount ready beforehand in one envelope or one stack rather than counting notes out of four pockets.
The figure was agreed in your messages and does not move. Two therapists are EUR 360 an hour, one is EUR 180, and whatever total you were quoted is the total. Cash in any major currency is welcome, as are cards and crypto. Nothing is taken in advance, so there is no balance to settle and no deposit to remember. If the two of you decide midway that you would like an extra hour, that is arranged then and paid then; the rate table has the arithmetic if you want it in front of you first.
Do not haggle. Prices here are the same for everybody at every hour, and an attempt to negotiate at the door is the one thing guaranteed to set an evening off badly.
What to wear, and the business of the towel
Wear something easy to take off and put back on. A robe if the hotel supplies one, otherwise underwear and a loose shirt. Some couples undress before the therapists arrive and wait in robes, which is efficient; others undress in the bathroom afterwards, which is equally normal. Both of you do not have to do the same thing.
How much comes off is your decision and it is asked once, kindly, and then not raised again. Keeping underwear on throughout is completely ordinary. Towels are used the whole way through, with only the area being worked on uncovered, and they stay in place unless you say otherwise. If your partner chooses differently from you, that is not a statement about either of you; it is a preference, like liking firm pressure.
Take a moment to think about what you will put on afterwards. Oil and good clothes do not mix, so have a robe or an old shirt within reach of the bed rather than across the room.
Talking during a couples massage
You are allowed to talk. It is not a library and nobody will shush you. In practice, most couples talk for the first ten minutes and then stop, not out of politeness but because the conversation stops feeling necessary. Talking to your partner across the gap between two tables is entirely normal early on and slightly comic later, when one of you replies and the other has drifted off.
Talking to the therapist is also normal, and the amount is up to you. Saying something like "I usually go quiet, it does not mean anything is wrong" at the start saves everybody reading the silence. If the two of you differ, one chatty and one not, that resolves itself, because each therapist works to the person in front of her. Our guide to a first couples massage covers the nerves behind this question in more detail.
One thing worth agreeing between you beforehand: whether you want music on. It is a small decision that is oddly hard to make with four people standing in a room.
Asking for something different halfway through
Speak up. This is the single most useful piece of etiquette in the whole evening and the one couples most often fail at, usually from a misplaced sense of not wanting to be difficult. Firmer, lighter, warmer, colder, more time on the shoulders, less on the feet: all of it is ordinary and none of it is a complaint. A therapist would far rather adjust at minute fifteen than hear at the end that the pressure was never right.
Say it plainly and in the present tense. "A bit firmer here" works. Waiting until she moves on and then mentioning it wistfully does not. If something is uncomfortable, say stop, and it stops immediately. If you change your mind about the kind of session you asked for, say that too. Nothing about the plan you sent in a message is binding on you once the evening has started.
The etiquette between the two of you
Some of the manners in the room are not owed to the therapists at all. Do not narrate your partner's experience for them, and do not answer for them when they are asked a question. Resist the urge to check whether they are enjoying it every few minutes; if they wanted to say something, they would.
Looking across is fine. Staring is a matter for the two of you and worth a word beforehand, particularly if one of you has booked four hand massage and the other is watching rather than receiving. Phones stay away, and that includes photographs, which are not taken of the therapists under any circumstances and are best not taken at all.
Afterwards, hold off on the review. Comparing notes in front of two people who have just spent an hour working is uncomfortable for everybody. The conversation keeps until the door closes, and it is a better conversation then anyway.
What not to ask for
Every therapist decides for herself what she offers, and her profile on the roster lists it. What is on the profile is available; what is not on it is not, and asking again in the room will not change the answer. A no is a complete sentence and is not the opening of a negotiation.
Do not ask either of them to stay beyond the booked time without going through us first, and do not offer money in the room to alter what was agreed. Do not ask for personal details, a private number, or to meet outside the booking. Do not ask one therapist about the other. And if one of you is drunk enough that the evening has become a poor idea, the therapists may say so and leave, which is their right and is very rare, because almost nobody behaves that way.
Tipping
Tipping is not built into the price and nobody expects it. Plenty of couples add something at the end when the hour went particularly well, and it is received warmly and never mentioned. There is no percentage to aim at. If you want to, round up or hand over a note; if you do not, nothing is thought of it.
If you would rather express it differently, say so directly. Telling a therapist she was excellent, and telling us on the thread afterwards which two came, is worth more than money to somebody who is asked for by name next time.
The last five minutes and the goodbye
The session ends a few minutes before the hour so that everybody can get dressed without rushing. Stay lying down for a minute rather than leaping up. Both therapists will clear away their own towels and oil; there is nothing for the two of you to tidy and no need to help.
Show them out together, say thank you at the door, and then close it and stay in. The evening afterwards belongs to the two of you, and the most common mistake couples make is booking something at eleven that requires shoes. If you know already that you will want a second session later in the trip, mention it as they leave and then send it to us on the thread; requesting the same pair again is easy when we know early.
A short list to keep in your head
- Shower, take off jewellery, clear the floor, warm the room.
- Let them in properly, introduce yourselves by name, offer water.
- Pay at the start, in one go, at the agreed figure.
- Undress as much or as little as you like; the towel stays in play.
- Say what you want changed while it can still be changed.
- No photographs, no negotiating, no asking for what is not offered.
- Keep the verdict until the door has closed behind them.
Handle those and the rest looks after itself. A couples massage is a straightforward thing that the two of you are paying for and the two of them are good at, and good manners here are mostly the same manners you would show anybody who came to your home to do skilled work, plus a towel.